Managing our children’s screen time

I read an article in the Economic Times* which said - ‘The screen time for children in the age group of 5 to 15 years has shot up by 100% since the first lockdown. 84% of parents are worried about the increase in screen time for children due to the pandemic and social distancing norms, according to a survey by OLX India.’
Reading this statistic was worrying but also a relief to know that there was nothing wrong with my 16 year old. Surveys conducted show a sharp rise in time spent by children on screens during the pandemic. After all, with restrictions on going to school, out to play and socialise, the screen is their only window to the world. Yet, it has not been easy for me to see my son glued to screens.
It’s been nightmarish to monitor and remind him countless times about engaging in activities off the screen. What if he gets addicted to gaming? Is being on screens making him lethargic or compromising on sleep and exercise? Is he choosing screens over engaging in real time experiences? I was hating the nag I was becoming. I discovered that guiding my son to manage screen time required continuous effort and was exhausting. I needed a plan to help my son strike a balance between time spent on screen and off screen.
Firstly, I had to tackle myself - my frustrations and expectations. The days I had rested well and got some me-time, I found, I was regulated and in a calm state of mind, leading to lesser conflicts with my son. Brainstorming with my husband made us realise that our son’s mental and physical well-being was the priority. We had to realign our expectations and factor in the unprecedented situation of being in a pandemic. And, we needed to keep in mind our child’s personality and our unique home environment to set guidelines around screen time. So, I started observing and here’s what I discovered…
What does science say?
We all know that screens are here to stay. Our approach and intervention determines if our children will develop a healthy relationship with screens or not. The good news for parents of tweens and teens is that with advancements in neuroscience, we now have available information on how an adolescent's brain develops. We can bank on these findings to understand our role.
Studies show that brain rewiring takes place in adolescence. This process starts from the onset of puberty and lasts up until 24 years of age which is when the prefrontal cortex (thinking part of the brain) is fully developed. In this phase, teenagers exhibit a deep desire for autonomy and privacy, in the quest of discovering their unique identity. The brain pushes them to seek out peers and move away from their parents in pursuit of preparing them for adult life. Teens experience mood swings as their emotional brain easily gets hijacked making them feel vulnerable and unsure of themselves. Often, teenagers act on impulses as they are not able to gauge the long term repercussions of their decisions. So, the bottom line is, our teens need our support and guidance in managing an addictive habit like screen time. Our role as parents is that of a screen auditor.
Through this process, I am learning to shift my perspective. If we view the screen as a problem, our approach will come from a place of control and lead to conflict. However, if we were to focus on building life skills in our children to be healthy managers of device usage even as adults, our communication and ways of guiding children will be collaborative and constructive.
Resources and extra reading:
Prerna Kalra is a certified parent educator with Parenting Matters, an organization which empowers parents to build deeper connections in families.